Coincidence

Putting ourselves out there. We've all been there and it can fucking hurt. Whether it be putting yourself out into the world, maybe looking for work and also putting yourself out into the world looking for love. It can be degrading, painful, scary, you name it. Do girls put themselves in that position more frequently? I am trying to figure that out. When I say "position", I mean the position of getting hurt by love. Throwing yourself into it and then getting tossed out covered in wounds. I am watching "My So-Called Life" and that is what made me think of all of this poop. She, Angela, puts herself in a position where this boy she likes was going to take her out and he left her sitting and waiting. I remembered all the times I have waited. That has a little with putting yourself out there. I put myself out there, I put my heart into the ring of fire and got burned. I wish boys and girls were just...so much more honest about feelings and truthful. I tried to be that way, it worked for enough time and then just...didn't? I always start with a point in mind and then I get going and I get completely side tracked in my thoughts. Now I can't even remember where I was headed with this idea. Oh well, I'm new at this, go easy on me!

Love Hurts

As I sit here in my bed, alone, watching The Holiday, I was struck with an over powering urge to write a new entry on my blog. It's been a long time. Much has transpired. I was inspired by watching Kate Winslet's heart break in this movie, or just heart break in general...in life and movies. Same with any emotion you never can actually let people know what it feels like, they have to find out for themselves. As people know about me, I love films and all that raz-ma-taz, but something I really don't like about them is their ability to instill unreasonable expectations, mostly about love. Being someone who just recently had their heart broken I think about it more and more. What I am getting at is as I was watching this scene with Kate Winslet, I thought to myself: "I wonder if that's how she reacts in real situations like this, I want to know more about what she is actually feeling right now..." What I was actually thinking wasn't as simple as that, but what I was actually thinking is hard to put into words. I guess I was just thinking...here I am, looking at this beautiful person and I can't really believe how she is feeling right now. I don't really feel that she actually feels that way...I find it hard to believe that anyone could be feeling the way I have in the past weeks. What I am getting at is I have felt alone. I feel guilty saying this because I know for a FACT that I'm not the only one who has felt this way and all this considered, I probably wasn't hurt as much as a lot of people I know or have heard of. ALL of this being said, which was quite scattered, was just to say that...I, along with probably many other people, get mad watching love movies now with people who get dumped because it feels just so fake. Not raw, not upsetting, just fake. I want to see raw, I want fucking real. (Or real fucking....ha!) I have decided to start writing more. I don't REALLY care if not many people read this, but I do want to get more people reading my posts. I have things to say, things that may or may not help you have a different outlook on life. Give me feedback. 

A Long Time Gone

i haven't "blogged" for a century. danielle and i are headed west in a weeks time, pretty stoked. should be a blast from the past. somewhat. i will miss benjamin, although it's going to be a week, we will survive.

What was the most interesting place you've traveled to?

So far, I'd have to say NYC. It was just...basically like visiting Rome, if we lived back in the day when Rome was like NYC...you know? I miss it SO much.

Ask me anything

Would you rather work at a large company or a small one?

Strange question...um...I'd say small. I like knowing the people more intimately and having a close working relationship.

Ask me anything

Metaphor

I cleaned the shit out of my room today and it still is not perfect, the way I would imagine the goal of my perfection. This is a metaphor. When my life is in shambles and a mess, that is my room. A mess. Shit just laying around everywhere...it's gross. This does not change for along time. Something I have a burst of cleaning my room, today was a day like that. This is me tidying my head. I am not done my room...there are still things scattered on the ground, sitting, dusty on my shelves. Stuff which I have banned to corners of my room as to not be noticed by people. This is a metaphor for my head. Because as it stands at this very moment, I feel alright. I can breathe without fear of getting that feeling that my breath has stopped. I can somewhat think of tomorrow without shedding a tear and having a tightness in my chest. This is the feeling I would like to achieve for the rest of my life, and maybe I am on my way.

I hit a rough patch again last night. The night scares me, especially when it begins to get dark, I feel as though day will never come again...and then I remember that I only have day and night to look forward to. That's the rest of my life. Falling asleep scared me as well. I don't know why. I don't understand these feelings.

i'm out,

- Lauren xox

Realization

It has come to my attention that I am NEVER going to get around to writing all about my wee trip to BC because SO much happened and it's definitely not the same.

Two weeks ago, a guy by the name of Orlando approached me. I was a wee apprehensive and all "WTF you want..?" and turns out he had seen my on youtube! CRAZY SHIAT. I know, I know. He was nice at first...then he sort of creeped me out. I don't know what to think about that whole encounter, it was odd, to say the least.

When it comes to sniffing out deals, I know where to go. Cheap is my moto. Maybe not a great one, but I like to spend as little money as possible. I don't see what the big deal is. Anywho, I found a very comprehensive book on Monty Python, for TWENTY-FIVE bleedin' CENTS. Yeah, that's right. I also got a PASHMINA SCARF for $2! Deal. I ALSO got a very pretty little halter top for $3! DEAL. Love it.

Website:

www.bookmooch.com

If you love books, but have too many, or books you just don't want and you want to replace the books you don't like, this is the website for you my friend. I have an inventory of 17 and I have already given away 7 books! Stellar. And I am going to be receiving 4 books in the next month! A guy from England is sending me Michael Palin's Bio., and I am also receiving "Cooking Vegetarian", "Miss Wyoming" and..."The English Patient" for me wee mother.

ALSO I am headed to dear Perth and Ottawa this weekend.

Have a good weekend.

- Lauren xoxo