Coincidence

Putting ourselves out there. We've all been there and it can fucking hurt. Whether it be putting yourself out into the world, maybe looking for work and also putting yourself out into the world looking for love. It can be degrading, painful, scary, you name it. Do girls put themselves in that position more frequently? I am trying to figure that out. When I say "position", I mean the position of getting hurt by love. Throwing yourself into it and then getting tossed out covered in wounds. I am watching "My So-Called Life" and that is what made me think of all of this poop. She, Angela, puts herself in a position where this boy she likes was going to take her out and he left her sitting and waiting. I remembered all the times I have waited. That has a little with putting yourself out there. I put myself out there, I put my heart into the ring of fire and got burned. I wish boys and girls were just...so much more honest about feelings and truthful. I tried to be that way, it worked for enough time and then just...didn't? I always start with a point in mind and then I get going and I get completely side tracked in my thoughts. Now I can't even remember where I was headed with this idea. Oh well, I'm new at this, go easy on me!

Love Hurts

As I sit here in my bed, alone, watching The Holiday, I was struck with an over powering urge to write a new entry on my blog. It's been a long time. Much has transpired. I was inspired by watching Kate Winslet's heart break in this movie, or just heart break in general...in life and movies. Same with any emotion you never can actually let people know what it feels like, they have to find out for themselves. As people know about me, I love films and all that raz-ma-taz, but something I really don't like about them is their ability to instill unreasonable expectations, mostly about love. Being someone who just recently had their heart broken I think about it more and more. What I am getting at is as I was watching this scene with Kate Winslet, I thought to myself: "I wonder if that's how she reacts in real situations like this, I want to know more about what she is actually feeling right now..." What I was actually thinking wasn't as simple as that, but what I was actually thinking is hard to put into words. I guess I was just thinking...here I am, looking at this beautiful person and I can't really believe how she is feeling right now. I don't really feel that she actually feels that way...I find it hard to believe that anyone could be feeling the way I have in the past weeks. What I am getting at is I have felt alone. I feel guilty saying this because I know for a FACT that I'm not the only one who has felt this way and all this considered, I probably wasn't hurt as much as a lot of people I know or have heard of. ALL of this being said, which was quite scattered, was just to say that...I, along with probably many other people, get mad watching love movies now with people who get dumped because it feels just so fake. Not raw, not upsetting, just fake. I want to see raw, I want fucking real. (Or real fucking....ha!) I have decided to start writing more. I don't REALLY care if not many people read this, but I do want to get more people reading my posts. I have things to say, things that may or may not help you have a different outlook on life. Give me feedback.